let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
