WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
