he wants to bone in the snuggie
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
