I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
