My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
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