put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
