the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize