I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
this just has baby written all over it
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
