I'm lost and stupid without you.
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
