my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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