My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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