I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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