It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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