Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
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I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
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Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
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