Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
