So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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