he was CRYING into my vagina
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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