ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
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