her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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