In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
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I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
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