dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
as a side note pls kill me
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
