As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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