i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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