id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
whose parrot is this?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Randomize
