the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
