we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
