I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm passing your future prison.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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