he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
