I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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