Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
