people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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