I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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