He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
