There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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