Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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