how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
