Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
