Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
