I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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