I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
