i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
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