i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
