i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
