I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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