after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Randomize
