lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Found your dick twin last night
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
