No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
