listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Randomize
