Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Randomize
