Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
