so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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