Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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