"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
