Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
