O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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