Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
