Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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