even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize