Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
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Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
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After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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