I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
It's shark week go big or go home
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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