my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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