The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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