The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
